And I Wait

October brought about a huge change in my life. I FINALLY cut the cord on my ATT UVerse cable account. As a somewhat tech savvy individual, this was long overdue. As a dedicated and avid TV fan that lives for DVR Sofa Saturdays, this has been a hard adjustment (all five days of it lol). The big issue has become waiting to watch my shows. My current favorite show is FX's Atlanta, which airs on Tuesday nights. I had to wait until last night to catch up on this week's episode. The good news is that it was WELL worth the wait!

This show has been blowing my mind week after week. The writing is phenomenal and the way they capture the nuances of the black experience is on point. I've fallen in love with all of the characters (hey Darius boo!) but I admit, I've longed to get to know Van a lot better. Last night that happened. In an attempt not to go full on spoil mode, I'll try to explain how this correlated without giving specific details from the episode. I said try TRY.

Backstory - Van plays Ern's (show creator and lead actor Donald Glover) ex-girlfriend/daughter's mother. She's beautiful, wears her hair natural, is a great mom and even though they aren't together, she does a lot for Ern but does NOT take his shit. To date, we know she works extremely hard and is doing the best she can for her new family. So in this week's episode, Van's homegirl was in town for a brief visit. The ladies meet for dinner and it was clear the longtime friends were currently on different pages. Other shenanigans ensue but this INSTANTLY brought me back to 2008 when I returned to Louisiana from Los Angeles. The show became personal and I felt I wasn't just watching tv but reliving a huge period of transition in my life. Around that time, a lot of my "friendships" dissolved because I came to the conclusion that a lot of those girls weren't friends at all. They were some f'd up individuals who felt better about themselves by putting down others - at least that was my experience of them. True enough I'm sensitive, but I'm also extremely intuitive and know for a fact when someone is trying to play me. I'll elaborate.

When I got back the first thing my old "friends" wanted to talk about was my hair, "Oh you still doing that natural thing huh?". They'd be so condescending and rude about natural hair but would be wearing weaves! What kind of f'ery is that? They'd also talk about men and money a lot. I've never been one to date based on my financial needs. I've dated a lot of folk who like me were focused on the dream and not the accompanying paycheck. I never knocked their choices to date "ballers", it just was never my thing. I also don't think I was the type those guys would go for - lol the natural hair, the not wearing bodycon clothes, the smoking - yeah lol I don't think they were checking for me. So it was always weird to me that those old friends would drag for me and tell me how I should "date up". They'd also throw jabs at my financial situation or act oblivious to the fact I had bills or low income because they now had ends. (Like girl when we met you was broker than broke now you got some change...ANYWAY) I detest when people try to downplay others based on money. They'd try to talk big talk - oh I've been here and there and done this and that. I'm a huge cheerleader type in general (check the receipts!), but there's a difference between sharing experiences and using them as a way to up one's self. I hate that shit. I admit I'm getting all in my feelings as I type this. In retrospect, I've coined that period and those relationships as "when I used to be friends with bitches". As Issa Rae so eloquently stated, "Bitches be tripping." And as I watched last night's episode, I couldn't help but be grateful that those type of friendships have all been eradicated in my life. 

This week's episode also reminded me of another life lesson. I can't speak for y'all, but my greatest moments of change and transition have come when least expected and in messy ways. The thing is I really don't like change. Like at all - I know seems ironic since I'm always changing addresses, jobs, cars and friends. But deep down, I despise having to switch up my routine. I like things to remain copacetic and peaceful. Often times I've felt the need to change but have resisted my intuitive nudges. I've learned that whether I get with it or not, the Universe will always bring about necessary modifications to keep us on track with our purpose. When I've tried to avoid it by doing what's best, like Van staying in a job I felt was stable or even remaining in jobs/cities that didn't serve me, life has a way of drastically and traumatically setting off an a new course. I recall not sure if I should leave the Midwest to go to law school - life served up a car accident. When it was time for me to go back home to cultivate my voice as a creative - the Universe was on hand serving up pink slips when a reputable company I worked for opted to dissolve seemingly overnight. And when I decided to give up on L.A. and build my life in my dear NOLA, I was offered an offer I couldn't refuse to come back and give it one more go. Time after time the same thing has happened - I felt change, I resisted it and it happened anyway. (I won't even go into how I KNEW I should get a new car but didn't and one day a tree, not prompted by any wind decided to crash into my grey goddess mobile!)

Atlanta has come at a perfect time in my life. It serves as a great reminder of who I was and where I've been but it also provides a beautiful vision for where I'm going creatively. I can't wait to see what the show does next! However, I'll be waiting until a day after it airs on broadcast tv due to my cord cutting...maybe that extra day can be used to continue writing my own ish! Ahhhh the Universe always provides a solution!