I can be a bit of an alarmist...I do my best to keep it under wraps as not to affect others but it's a bit of a thing. I generally exist in a state of high alert and near panic. I don't necessarily know what's coming, but feel deeply that danger is just around the bend. My mind and spirit naturally flow to the worst case scenario. I dread days like Friday the 13th because my alarm sensor goes into severe. Here is a valid case in point-welcome to the intensified drama this day brings. (And for my male readers, warning: this one may not be your cup of tea.)
I think I'm either entering menopause or about to die of an ectopic pregnancy. Why you say? Because all week my tummy has been upset - TMI I'm premenstrual. This happens every month however the issue this time is that I have been for days now, having that icky crampy feeling and seeing spotting but no real flow (sorry guys again TMI). My body is pretty consistent so this is super alarming to me. Another person in my position may just call the doctor. That's not an option since doctors bring up a whole 'nother set of alarms- Y'all know sometimes the meds the prescribe harm us more right? You do know they bout that over-diagnosis life? And you have heard that relatively healthy people can go into a doctor visit or hospital and never return due to negligence right? Plus it takes forever to get appointments and the way my insurance is set up, thats money on money on money! Thus the conundrum...
ANYWAY, in my entire life I've known only known one person who had an ectopic pregnancy. Her experience was really rough and she nearly died so the memory of her incident is totally engrained in my memory. So when I googled my symptoms and found that this was one of the potential causes, I've secretly begun freaking out. How awful would it be to DIE on Friday the 13th of an ectopic pregnancy! My mind raced to that worse case so quickly that it slipped my psyche that I hadn't had sex in months so it's highly unlikely that's my issue. When I hopped back over to WebMD, the second reason on the list for my symptoms is entering menopause. This seems like a more logical diagnosis so I called my mom to see if she had similar issues at my age. She did. Then the reality that my literal life force could be drying up set in. What if I start having hot flashes? So I'm really not going to have a baby in this lifetime? OMG how will I ever get a husband now! I fought off the tears but you already know they are welling up again as I type! I couldn't take it - I literally had to lay down and do a 10 minute guided meditation.
When I finally got up, I got off WebMD and simply googled the topic. I found that the most common reason for the issue I'm experiencing is stress. STRESS! Obviously I was stressed - hell I'm stressed as I review my thoughts for this article. I'm stressed every time I turn on the TV and see our Presidential hopefuls. I'm stressed by the cost of gas. I'm stressed bout this hair and which way its gone go today. Hell, I LIVE in stress! The article went on to allude that often the key to getting your flow to well flow is to relax and calm down. The truth is right now in this moment and at my current symptom stage, I don't really have a big enough issue to cause concern. There's not much I can do in this moment but just wait it out and treat the PMS the way I normally would. But alas it's Friday the 13th and I'm all up in the sauce!
I saw a poster as I was walking into the work, carrying all the dramatic-ness of the morning on my shoulders. The visual reminded me that we get what we expect. I'm going to have to change the way I deal with this day before I stress myself into an aneurysm! Wait...I do have a slight headache...I wonder if that may be the cause?
SMH when will I learn!