For a period of around 21 days, three to four times a year, the planet Mercury enters a period of retrograde. This phenomenon has been linked to it's negative aspect-travel delays, computer issues and misunderstandings in communication. While the retrograde its marked by the planet Mercury's seemingly backwards travel, it does have some more positive, less discussed traits. The ability to look back and reflect is often overlooked-who can focus on the past when everything in the present is going haywire right?!?! Well I seem to be exactly where I was seven years ago, I figured it would be a great opportunity to partake in a little Mercury Retrograde reflection. Back in 2006, I was working at a management/production company in Hollywood. The owner opted to purchase a new office and I worked hard to help the company move to it's new location. Once there, as much as I loved the space, I felt it was time to move on and get more experience. Seven months later, I was leaving to take on a new position at a different company. I was trying to get it-it being the illusive shiny, pretty thing that's hard to describe but everyone knows exactly what "it" is. At that time I had a strategy and a plan. I wanted to learn everything and know everybody. I felt I needed to meet as many people as I could to maximize my chances of getting "on". I wanted to go everywhere and be in the mix all the time. I wanted "the life"! LOL. I wanted to be a part of young Hollywood. I wanted to know the movers and shakers and eventually become one. The life or rather the illusion of this life of opulence and grandeur consumed me. My creativity was replaced by ego focused drive and I willing to do whatever it would take to make it.
In many ways, my intensity led to productivity. I was constantly moving up the ladder. Each defeat was replaced by a better opportunity. My day jobs were at cream of the crop companies and my side hustles placed me in the inner circles of talented people I'd read about. My Hollywood experience was providing everything my ego desired...so much so that my former burning desire to CREATE was replaced by my new desire to be on. This lifestyle steadily escalated for nearly four years and then one day, as simply as it began, it was all over. I was out of work near the holidays. I'd been in Hollywood for four whole years and had only written entries every now and then on my blog. I was not the artistic being I deeply aspired to be. AND on top of that, I was out of work and friends (apparently they only came with the jobs).
I opted to cut my losses and move back home-HOME home to my Granny's house where I grew up. After a couple of months I moved to New Orleans and started over. I became a waitress and networked until I met people that got me work in the industry. This time my focus was different. I allowed my artistic goals to shine through. I blogged and was consisted with my work. I flushed out an idea for a play and submitted it to a Fringe Festival. I started to create again and it felt amazing. I even pushed myself to take acting, writing and filmmaking classes. I did all of these things while maintaing a day job in varying positions, working in film/television production. My artistic dreams were manifesting all around me and one day my ego kicked in.
It is funny the ego works...well how I've discovered that my ego works that is. It is like a strong and powerful drug. As soon as I take one hit (let it enter), it becomes relentless. First it is so minimal that I don't even notice it. Then as I let my thoughts connect to that energy, it simply takes over. One way it shows up is through ungratefulness. Every time I get an idea, it would come with it's friend insecurity right along with it! I was spending more time discussing ideas and projects in my head than actually doing anything. This boiled down to the thing that happens every time I have to start again-I realize I had been operating from my ego. Even bigger revelation? My ego always appears when I'm scared.
But (and FYI in my style of writing, the good stuff always comes behind the but)...(so, given the last statement in parenthesis lol) let's start this again.
BUT since it is Mercury Retrograde, I have challenged myself to look at things from my past in a bit of a different perspective. What if my entire experience in and about my time in the industry was not a reflection of my ego being in charge? What if all of those experiences weren't mistakes but stepping stones to lead me to this moment? What if I'm not starting over again? What if I'm actually moving forward?
"The Alchemist" is one of my favorite books and one if it's most famous quotations is, "When you want something to happen, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it." Each time I encounter that phrase, I feel energized and invigorated. I connect with those words in a way that leads me to believe it is none other than the truth! How appropriate a revelation during this time of reflection...
I have not been a fan of Mercury Retrograde in the past. Having worked as a travel coordinator for past few years, I know for a fact it's negative communication and travel implications are REAL! I'm glad I opted to see things differently this go round. This time I decided to take a new look from a different perspective. From this vantage, it appears the universe is laying out a path specifically designed for me. Today the path has led me back to a true passion - blogging (don't get it twisted, I had a hair blog before it was hot lol. What you know bout Geocities lol?!?).
So here am again. Re-entering this space. Focusing on putting words on the page. I mean screen lol. I am resisting the resistance towards writing and instead showing up to do the work. And so it is.
It is such a pleasantry to find the entire universe is conspiring on your behalf and for your good.